"Put Your Bum-Bum Away Mama!"

Okay everyone, back by (relatively) popular demand are the continued adventures of Egg...but now there's 'Ollie Dumpie' (aka Baby Noah) so it's here on in going to be known as 'THE ADVENTURES (or lack thereof) of EGG and OLLIE'. Welcome.

Back in the autumn while we were travelling like a bunch of no-good hippies (well, hippies who imbibed fine wine and had a rental car and indulged in the odd bit of creme brulee...) through Corsica for five weeks, i got the idea to keep all friends and family informed of not only our whereabouts but also the daily comical anecdotes that occurred to me, and any crazy, half-thought out, sleep-starved observations that popped into my head. (I seemed to have these in abundance....perhaps due to the fact that i was heavily pregnant at the time!).

Anyway, as i said in my recent MY SPACE music page invite...if you're not interested, merely press the DELETE key on your keyboard now and think no more about this. However if you are indeed mildly interested in our for the most part banal life, then by all means continue reading on and check daily/weekly for updates. I can't promise to write everyday (as some days I don't even get to have a bath, and i'm sure that it's going to win out over mass communicating sometimes) BUT i will endeavour to keep you all up to date as best i can. That's a promise. Let's consider it a welcome little chore which may go a tiny, tiny way toward compensation to those family members (grandparents - i'm primarily referring to you here!) who are sadly deprived of the antics of their two grandchildren over here in the UK.

Now in the words of Julie Andrews (from SOUND of Music....more on this later) 'let's start at the very beginning - a very good place to start' ! Our little family is comprised of Jay (computer genius/drummer extrordinaire)....Me (aspiring musician/baker extrordinaire)...Egg (aka 'Jake' 2 1/2 years old - blond, cherubic, mischievious little monkey).....and now Ollie Dumpie (aka 'Noah'...newest member of the family - 3 months old and somewhat portly).

In addition to this we have our extended family (my three lovely sisters) who live two doors down in another flat. It is so close in fact that we are known to go back and forth in slippers during the wee hours of the night if the urge happens to take us). They are (in geneological order): 'Auntie Ba' (aka Rebekah) 'Auntie Kenz' (aka Naomi) 'Auntie Mo' (aka Ramona) Without them we would be DEAD. Yep. Especially Auntie Ba. To her credit she has put her life on hold these past few months to help me out with what is now my new life of domestic hell (sorry - i meant heaven!) Tirelessly she reads Egg his beloved Mr. Men books, makes sure he gets fed (when his Dada and Momma are too busy listening/making music), and reminds us that we've left our newborn baby swinging in the front room. Ba, what would we do without you??! Please never leave us!!

As Jay is currently in the process of getting a new job (after having slaved at MTV for 8 years) he spends a few hours each morning making calls and setting up interviews etc. I routinely stumble down to the kitchen, bleary-eyed, to find Egg at the table on his second bowl of cheerios. Bacon, his beloved bear is usually seated next to him and some sort of plug or gadget is usually on his lap, and he alternates bites of cereal with destruction of said item. (We have thus far lost one mini ipod, my laptop power supply and various mobile chargers to sudden death in this manner).

Anyway, a few weeks ago during a meeting of our 'cappucino club' (this either takes place at our local Cafe Nero or at our kitchen table, depending on weather and whether we can be bothered! The cappucino club consists of only three members: jay, auntie ba and I.) Jay glumly noted that it was taking three of us adults to manage two children. Being the one who is ultimately going to be left with the two of them sometime soon, this thought sent me into a panic and i began perspiring as i went down that road in my head of what that actually meant....but i digress... When jay expressed the facts simply like that, we all realised that it probably wasn't the best use of time for all of us. (Hence i sit here now in front of the computer, gamely typing with a feeding infant in my arms...yes people, it can be done...who would have thought?) So he organised a 'rota' of sorts whereby he would get three mornings a week to go out on his own and work on his writing, case some pubs, or whatever it is he does when he's on his own - who knows. I was to get two mornings a week and whatever time i could carve out for myself in the free-for-all which are the weekends (i hear you laughing now - exactly! as if!)

So this morning jay had left, i was on my own, and noah had just settled down for a light nap between feeds (which i am dejected to say are pretty much hourly. yep. might be a contributing factor to his burgeoning obesity, but who knows). I had left what i imagined was a sweet invite on auntie ba's mobile phone to come on over for a morning coffee (but was probably in all likelihood a frantic plea to get the hell over and help before i tore my hair out!) You see Egg last night learned how to go into our bathroom and lock it from the inside. Jay regaled me with Egg's newly acquired skill late last night but i don't think i was actually registering it as i was trying to grab some sleep while i could.

So this morning Egg went in the bathroom, locked the door and i heard the bathtub being filled. In a panic i stood at the door and bribed him out the only way i know is guaranteed to get a result - i promised to bake him a 'treat'. Egg LOVES 'treats'. (Those of you who know me, know that i excel somewhat in the baking of yummy treats...a talent which has not gone unnoticed by my elder son). This seemed to do the job, and he was out like a flash demanding to know we would bake. Looking around i spotted some banana's about to go off, so Banana Bread it was! Bending down to look for the cake tin i was horrified to hear Egg remark behind me, "Put your bum-bum away Momma...no one wants to see it". Yep. That's what he said. And then he proceeded to attempt to hike up my low-slung cord hipsters so that the offending bits were no longer on display.

I wonder to myself if this is the reason a lot of catalogues advertise such ill-fitting 'Mom jeans' with their awkward shapes and elongated crotch areas...

I wonder if this is to be my life for the next however many years?

So what did i do? I hiked up my trousers and got on with the business of baking.

And yes, it was a delicious Banana Bread.