"Weight-Watchers Be Damned"

I haven't washed a dish in weeks. I haven't done laundry in months. I haven't emptied my kitchen bin...swept the floor...mopped...or cooked in ages.

Thanks to lovely Kedak our Pembantu, domestic drudgery is a thing of the past. At least for now. And darn it, I'm going to enjoy it.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm ever going to be able to give all this up: the swimming pool, the delicious relatively inexpensive restaurants, the full-time Pembantu and part-time maid, the perfectly gorgeous, DEPENDABLE sunny weather, the idyllic scenery, the smiling locals, the wonderful school (sigh).

The husband and I are getting spoiled. And we know it.

Now when a child screams out for something, as long as it's a weekday between the hours of 8:30 and 5:30, we know Kedak's got it covered. Dumpie upends an entire litre of orange juice? No problem, Wayan the maid will mop it up later. Egg is hankering after a mid-morning snack? The husband and I are free to continue tip-tapping away on our matching Apple Macs whilst the Pembantu whips up yet another batch of homemade lemon sugar pancakes.

I suppose I should take more of an active role in things - especially kitchen related things. The other day I splurged and got a bottle of expensive extra virgin olive oil. Okay, truth be told it was a last ditch attempt to save my head from my killer dread (I read somewhere online that oil can SOMETIMES help it untangle). But it was also because I was craving some popcorn.

That afternoon as Kedak set about fulfilling her duty as surrogate galley slave, the smell of popcorn wafted tantalisingly throughout the place. I did notice with some alarm that the Balinese method of achieving a 'perfect pop' appears to involve the use of a frying pan (huh?!), but the end result was such a delightful snack, that no more thought was given to the matter and it was gobbled up in its entirety whilst still hot.

It was only as Kedak was leaving that I thought to ask her where she'd put the rest of the olive oil. I was ready to attack my dread you see.

She smiled and said, "But Miss Natassia, I use all for popcorn!"

A quick peek into the bin revealed two things:

1. The pembantu had indeed used an ENTIRE bottle of extra virgin olive oil to FRY the popcorn.

2. The tasty popcorn treat, thanks to the liberal use of oil, must have contained roughly 417 calories per kernal....or 417,000 calories. Uh-oh.

It just goes to show that a life of supposed leisure can be hazardous to your waistline, your pocketbook, and your ever-decreasing skill set.

Will I ever be fit to wield a frying pan again? Even to make popcorn?

The next morning Kedak arrived apologising profusely for having used ALL the oil to make the popcorn. She said, "I bring you coconut oil my mother makes'.

Tenses being a bit of a tricky one here in Indonesia, I assumed she meant that she WOULD bring me some coconut oil to make up for her costly mistake. I assured her that there was no need and to just forget about it.

Of course moments later, due to an unfortunate exchange with a preoccupied husband concerning a water bottle which appeared to be full of some strange liquid, I proceeded to pour out an entire bottle of precious coconut oil down the sink in full view of Kedak, who likely didn't know WHAT to make of this strange behaviour.

She had clearly brought the oil that day to appease me and no amount of explaining could render my behaviour explicable.

Uselessness begets uselessness.

All that oil has clearly gone to my brain.

I guess I should be thankful that it was re-routed from my hips.