"Kedat Has Come To Save The Day!"

Yesterday morning i woke up with a tap to the shoulder and there was Dumpie, his big greeny-brown eyes solemnly staring at me from a mere inch or two away. 'Hi Mama' he said, kissing me awake, before walking out of the room, pausing only to wave goodbye.

However this morning I woke up to find Egg perched on top of me with Bacon the bear, bouncing excitedly whilst chanting 'Nine...nine...nine....nine more days Mama!'. That's nine more days until his birthday...until he turns six.

I'm at a loss over what to do for Egg's birthday. He's requested a surprise party, where he walks in and says (he's got it all figured out) 'Is anybody here?' and then everyone jumps out of hiding and yells 'Happy Birthday!'.

I find myself wondering how we are going to manage to deliver on this. Perhaps our landlady could lend us some of the labourers from the building site behind, and they could don paper hats and whistles and 'stand in' for friends and family members who can't be here.

Or perhaps we could invite 'Kedat' their new nanny. We hired her on the spot yesterday after it transpired that she was twenty-six (energy levels not yet depleted), had two little boys of her own (knows vaguely what she's in for) and is self-admittedly patient by nature (hired!) Moreover, she will lend herself to us five days a week for the same sum that a few tickets to the cinema in Leicester Square and some popcorn would set us back. What is there to think about?

Yesterday as we waited together for Dumpie to get back from school, she tentatively offered, in broken English, "I make Thai massage in Day Spa for little while....you like I do massage?"

Umm...let's see. HECK YEAH!

Forget child care...i'll just buy up all the latest children's dvd releases from the store in town, plop the monsters in front of the telly with a big bag of peanuts, and get Kedat to work her magic on my aching back in the other room.

Tell me again why we're going back to the UK?

Cheap childcare, delicious food, glorious scenery, private swimming pool, beaches, tropical weather and now massage on tap?

Right. Now I can only think of two real reasons to ever return to the Motherland: fashion....and red wine.

Though saying that, I'm quite happy pottering about in the same threadbare tank tops and denim mini day after day....and as for red wine? Well, there's always ice-cold Bintang beer...I can compromise.