Tuesday, 15 June 2010
"I Dread My Head"
Okay, so now I have to face facts. This morning I stood in front of the mirror, cheap scissors in hand, determined to face up to my ever-growing dreadlock.
Having tried soaking it in conditioner, dousing it in a hot oil treatment, and laughably - trying to attempt to brush it out, I have now come to the conclusion that it is here to stay. It is going nowhere. And now, it is starting to ruin my life.
Where before it was a skinny dread, it is recruiting nearby bits of hair and attempting to overthrow my entire head.
Thank goodness that I had the foresight to become a hat-lover years ago. At least I can slap on one of my three hats everyday and semi-disguise the sorry state of my scalp.
From the front I look normal...respectable even. But from behind....goodness. I look like I wear a nose ring, strum a guitar and don't shave my armpits.
I thought a Google search might throw up some clues as to how I landed in this situation in the first place. A simple press of the button yielded this insight:
What are the different methods you can make natural dreadlocks?
Twist and Rip
Twist and Pin
Yep....that last line just jumped out at me. It's ALL my fault. Here I was so intent on wearing sunscreen, bug repellent, spraying my sheets with Febreze so as to be able to sleep on the same sweat soaked pillows night after night in Goa, and upkeeping my Chanel 'Vamp' pedicure, that I failed to pay enough attention to my crowning glory....my hair.
So now, like an spurned lover, my hair has retaliated.
It is pissed off.
It wants revenge for obvious NEGLECT.
I'm not sure there's a conditioner in the world that can even begin to redress the balance.
Everyone is telling me to just cut it off. But I fear I shall end up with a frizzy shelf of hair on the back of my head - much like that sported by 'Mrs. Brady' in the long running 70's American tv series 'The Brady Bunch'.
How far I've fallen. If you could only see my product-crammed cupboard of hair products back in London. Even they can't help me now.
I've seen the future...and the future's shorn.