I don't suspect that having your cleaner catch you furatively spooning up great lumps of diarhorrea from the carpet at 8:30am is a great way of ensuring she stays put. She's the best we've ever had and I fear this morning's shenanigans have done nothing in the way of convincing her that we are worth the bother.
The morning started innocently enough...a subdued husband bringing up two big cappuccinos before promptly climbing back into bed with a groan. Minutes later we were bombarded by an icy-toed, rambunctious Dumpie still smelling strongly of fish (more on that later). We lay in for much longer than is acceptable on a 'school day', but the sun was shining so gloriously outside the sliding doors and I swear I could hear birdsong. If it weren't for the crushing hangovers we were struggling with, I might have thought we'd been reborn as supporting characters in a Disney movie.
I suppose last night was a bit full-on. I had spent the day kitchen-bound, whipping up a feast of homemade spinach and feta rolls, a gargantuan pasta salad (which we shall be eating for weeks), and a scrumptious (if i do say so myself) lemon vanilla birthday cake. The Aunties came round as did some of our friends, to help celebrate the Egg Man's ascent into proper boyhood. There was much wine, mad chatter and frivolity, and of course Egg finally got his beloved scooter in the end.
At some point I was asked outright by the Aunties why my house reeked of fish. I couldn't explain it, and just dismissed it as being from one of the restaurants down the road. They didn't look too convinced and it was only later, during a prolonged cuddle with the Dumps, that we realised that it was not my house that stank but rather my second-born. Bewilderingly, he was ripe with the overpowering scent of 'eau-de-rank-fish'.
Turns out that Dumpie had gotten into Auntie Mo's uber-expensive pure fish oil gel capsules and exploded them one by one by simply squeezing them between his chubby little thumb and forefinger. The empty husks were discovered in his dirty nappy bag much later and I fear we are going to have to put up with the smell for quite some time, as last night's thorough bathing did nothing to quell the intensity.
Of course it did take three slightly inebriated but rather merry adults to bath two little boys (thanks Aunties and husband!), but the party carried on afterward and I'm sure we sufficiently annoyed our neighbours into the wee hours to declare the party a success.
I could almost be in a good mood today if it weren't for the fact that Dumpie has soiled the whole house with three 'accidents' this morning and it's only 11am. Shockingly, he was able to top this morning's multiple diarhorrea explosion by proudly exhibiting a new party trick (or should I say 'potty trick').
Just moments ago he went M.I.A. and I found him standing next to a giant puddle of wee on the carpet in Auntie's room.
"Dumpie! Why?!" He put his head down, doing his best Princess Di impersonation before confessing, "Me pull winks out and me make wee wee".
Indeed he did. So now we are onto the 'Anti-Potty-Training' agenda whereby he lifts his 'winks' out of his pull-ups and wees one the carpet before placing it back inside.
Well, at least he's got the whole urinal thing mastered for later on.