"Like Being on Honeymoon...With A Gremlin"

So here's the deal. This place is so lush, so gorgeous, that to get our money's worth (and our senses worth) we'd have to sit here all day everyday, nestled amongst the flora and fauna in our indoor/outdoor living space, and simply stare and smile in wonderment, like a Stepford Wife...slowly rotating our heads every hour on the hour to take in the exquisite beauty.

It smells good too. The flowers, the fresh scent of tropical life...it's a heady mix. This is the kind of place where, if I only had a month left to live, I would want to come and live out my last days. It's very Alice In Wonderland.

(Interestingly we're staying on the same street that the healer in the book - and soon to be hit movie starring Julia Roberts - met the author of "Eat, Pray, Love.")

Now, before I continue to wax prolific about my current status in Paradise, let me set something straight. It feels like I'm on Honeymoon - but with a tiny Gremlin who happened to hijack my luggage on the way over....thereby turning it into a 'Horrormoon'.

Last night Dumpie crawled into our huge, gorgeous bed and...wet it. Woke up to the acrid smell of cold urine near my face. Then I got pummelled awake by the Dumps yelling in my ear, "Get out of bed it's daytime now!"

And let's not forget last night when he stole my nail scissors and cut in half the skype headphone and microphone set which the husband bought especially for this trip, and has been using to make long distance calls?

Then there is the fact that everywhere here the locals have laid out little waxy plates made from leaves, full of 'offerings' like flowers and incense and candles. Dumpie has systematically pilfered any he's come into contact with and proudly deposited them into my lap.

Still, I should have known we were in for a trying one when at immigration the other day, when given the curt nod to approach by the stern faced official, Dumpie shouted out, "Hello you STUPID man!"

And dare I mention that the other day whilst watching a Japanese pop show on telly, Dumpie learned how to make the sign of the horns (ie. the heavy metal, two fingered salute usually seen at Black Sabbath concerts) and now growls and 'salutes' us several times daily?

It's an omen. We are truly in for it.