"Dumpie the Poo Pest"

Any bargaining power over the negotiations for the monthly salary of our new 'Pembantu' (ie. cleaner/nanny/cook) went out the window this afternoon, when I turned from my laptop to catch poor Wayan on her hands and knees, mopping up a giant pile of feces by the front door.

I grabbed a paper towel and the two of us cleaned up while a naked Dumps peered out at us with a tell-tale smirk on his face from behind the little sofa.

Those of you who have been following the adventures of Egg and Dumps for some time now, will note that I've done my best to exercise restraint and try and stay off the subject of toilet matter as much as possible. But after having woken up three days in a row with Dumpie, in a lovers embrace, the two of us soaked in urine...i feel the need to vent. (The husband and Egg have been noticeably absent...in the other bedroom, no doubt slumbering on a dry mattress.)

My current theory is that having a large pool outside the door, with two female statues continuously pouring water into the pool, has infiltrated poor Dumpies brain and caused him to wee in his sleep.

The husband has a different theory. He thinks Dumpie is doing it deliberately because he is too lazy to get up and go the the toilet three feet away.

It's embarrassing because Wayan, our new helper, comes every day for a few hours, and with three sheet changes in our room in as many days, I can't help but feel that she must think the husband and I a lusty pair.

So today I tried to explain, via awkward charade-like gestures, why the sheets needed changing yet again, but as she speaks not a word of English, and judging by her furtive nodding and sympathetic smile, and owing to my ineffective gesturing to myself 'down there', I am now convinced that she believes me to have a severe incontinence problem.

One thing i've realised, after two weeks in Bali, is that the husband and I may have three laptops, three ipods, three cameras and numerous electrical gadgets, power cords and various musical studio implements with us here in Bali. But we appear to be strangely short on basic essential like clothes...underpants...towels...

So if anyone were to say, ask us to make a tune for them or DJ at a party...we'd be laughing.

Trying to make one last pair of underpants last two days between two little boys, one of whom is currently shunning porcelein in favour of Gap cotton (and i don't even want to know what the husband is doing to solve his own particular grooming related conundrums).....now that is proving troublesome.

Alas bigger problems loom. As we speak, Dumpie is outside, one hand on the waistband of his shorts, calmly surveying the pool, no doubt weighing up the likelihood of getting away with an al fresco wee. At least he's moved on from 'watering' our landlady's prized orchids.