So as if the mornings weren't enough of a trial already (various breakfasts laboriously constructed by perspiring, lethargic parental figures in a dull haze) we now have to add the task of brewing a pot of weak tea for the monsters.
By now we've given up any pretence of attempting to deliver Dumpie to his nursery on time ...despite it being, quite literally, next door. The husband however, is almost military with his shuttling off of Egg everyday on the motorcycle.
"Hurry up Egg we're leaving in ten minutes!" followed by, "Egg, have you brushed your teeth yet?" and finally, "Egg where are you? Come on it's nine o'clock - get a move on!"
And so it goes...everyday the same old pattern.
Once those two motor off I'm left trying to hunt down Dumpie, who is more often than not, sequestered away in the neighbour boy Sandkelp's front room watching telly and likely being fed sweetmeats by our adoring landlady.
At least we've moved on from the days when he would show up there unannounced in nothing but his little Gap underpants and tiny blue Crocs. That must have been shocking for Sandkelp - to be awoken by the sight of a near-naked midget who's had the audacity to walk straight into his house, uninvited, and into his bedroom in order to tell him 'wake up!'. I cringe just thinking about it.
One of the reasons we're always so late is because Dumpie insists on overseeing the packing of his little see-through school bag. It must contain the juice of his choice, the biscuits he is currently favouring and a piece of fruit. This is a daily source of contention.
If I dare put something in which isn't to his liking he'll simply snatch it out and hurl it across the room.
By the time I cajole him into accompanying me the five or so yards to school, he is usually happily holding my hand and as I bid him adieu he is looking the picture of cherubic innocence. If they only knew.
Never mind, this whole grind is about to come to a halt.
We're off to Indonesia a week today. On a hellish journey involving one taxi, two planes, and about 20 hours traveling time.
However, I have discovered that right near our hotel is a 7-11.
And guess what you can buy at 7-11?....