Tuesday, 7 February 2012

"With a Stitch-Stitch Here and a Stitch-Stitch There..."

In hindsight, it was probably my insistence on clearing out the entire giant pomegranate display at Sainsbury's yesterday morning after my midwife appointment that was to blame.  The midwife had shaken her head ruefully after probing my swollen belly and declared, "Only 5% of babies actually arrive on their due date...I'm going to book you in for a sweep in one weeks time because this baby hasn't moved all the way down yet".

So after struggling across the common with three heaving bags on the half hour walk home (silently thinking how in trouble i would be if the husband or one of my sisters saw how much i was carrying) it's safe to say that the last thing I imagined I would be doing later that day would be squeezing out an 8 lb 15 oz(!!!) baby from a place nothing that large should ever exit from.  Nuff said.

Late afternoon found me in a bath, over confident that there was no way this baby was coming anytime soon.  Then the weird little inside pains started...and I began to wonder.  So infrequent were they, and so varying in length, that I felt a little stupid mentioning them to my sister.

"Call your husband and tell him to come home" she demanded.

"No" said I.  "These are FALSE labour contractions - I'm sure of it."

"But ON your due date?" she quizzed skeptically.

So against my better judgement I rang the husband, disturbing him mid-meeting, and mentioned that he might want to think about coming home a tad earlier than normal.

To his credit he returned in record time, noting with alarm that I was by this time having somewhat regular contractions but yet still in full denial that it might actually be the real thing.

Luckily my sister had her sensible head on and insisted I finish packing my hospital bag and call a cab.

We didn't get there a moment too soon.  The 25 minute cab ride was spent bending and twisting the husbands hand out of shape whilst clenching my thighs in panic and trying to ignore the Sikh cabbie who was making lame small talk and driving a touch too slow given the circumstances.

As we stormed into the hospital at 6:40pm (I recall clocking glorious Big Ben) I was finally beginning to accept that the likelihood of me being turned away due to false labour was decreasing at an exponential rate. Yep...this was happening.

Ensconced in a birthing pool an hour or so later, sucking for dear life on a tube of gas and air, I found myself in the depths of hell, feeling for all intents and purposes as if I were being crucified from the inside out (anyone who has gone through natural labour will wince in acknowledgement).  Yes I was in a birthing pool, but let's face it - that's about as useful as skydiving with a broken parachute when it comes down to it.

At that point I had no idea that I was about to give birth to an oversized baby with a giant head.  Several agonising stitches later, whilst high as a kite on gas and air would put paid to that but at the time I just remember thinking that death would be blessed relief.  Thank goodness it was relatively quick...my sweet wonky midwife with her bowl cut and a toothy grin had just enough time to deliver the little guy before her shift ended at 8:20pm.

So bish-bash-bosh.  A day which began with a pomegranate binge and ended with me sipping sugary tea in a private room overlooking Big Ben and gazing adoringly at the sweetest little boy in the world...who would have thunk it.

Welcome to the world little man...x


  1. Heard the news this morning, and can't believe you've blogged already!? I was at St T's this morning for a meeting with the Communications Director - would have popped up if I'd realised you were there! Anyway, congrats one and all. Just what Northcoye Road needs: another baby ;-) heh.


  2. So so so so happy for your Tash! Well done lady. Big babies are a cruel and unusual punishment... you are a hero through and through. Keep the blogs coming. I can't even imagine the entertainment to be found here for the next 20 years. x x x enjoy the preciousness.

  3. Congratulations on the (eventful, certainly painful) birth of your son. With a trio of boys, I'd say rest now while you can ;)

  4. That is incredible news can't wait to meet him and hey, I hear using a sun lamp helps with the stitches my sister had the same delightful episostomy experience! But what a gift..love, light to you and your family. May your baby be blessed with a good heart, good health and good sense and of course lots of love, luck and abundance..Goffy x

  5. Congratulations...ouch, my eyes are watering as I type this. Well done you and welcome to the little man.

  6. Congratulations! And sorry about the large hear *crosses legs* enjoy those magical new born days, I miss them dearly. Mine is 19 months and says 'cat. car, bin man' on loop. Also quite magical :) xxx

    1. *head ... also lost the ability to type and type and think as well as the hours of sleep :)

  7. Fantastic News! Have loved reading your blog after I've put my children to bed xx Am very impressed you've mananged to post so quickly :)

  8. I cry with happiness and pain at reading that... it all comes flooding back. sending you and all your men our warmest congratulations.
    welcome little guy xxx
    love, j


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