"Miss Wacky Four Eyes"

Due to an altercation with a dodgy optician who tried vainly to part me from £67 in London before I left (in order to tell me what I already knew - that my contacts fit perfectly...just as they have for the past twenty years that I've been wearing them), I have found myself in a conundrum. I don't have enough contact lenses to last me the duration of our trip.

I tried vainly to order some online before we left London, only to be told that said dodgy optician refused to verify my prescription on account of being sore that he hadn't relieved me of the £67. But I digress.

In an effort to string out the contacts I DO have, I decided to get a pair of prescription sunglasses made here in Goa. No problem...right? Wrong-o.

The other day when in Margao, while the husband was trying to choose a bike to purchase, I found myself in front of an opticians. Ten minutes later (and several annoyed text messages from the husband saying, "Where the _____ are you?!") I had chosen a pair of frames, handed over my prescription, paid a deposit and was told I'd have my shades delivered in a few days. Easy peasy....or so I thought.

Here in India, things are never quite as they seem, and having now received these sunglasses, I realise that a) there is a reason they only cost £35 b) I've got a teeny tiny problem with depth perception in that if I look straight ahead I'm okay, but dare I glance down I'll find I'm on a steep incline and possibly fall or at least stumble around like I'm in a Fun Fair Fun House c) I'm going to look like a total knob wearing big, Bono-like wraparound sunglasses all day - indoor and out - like I think I'm a rock star on holiday.

So you see, I don't quite know what to do about it. Who knows when I"ll next be back in Margao to bring up the problem with the opticians. And being generally a stubborn sort, I'm certainly not going to put an otherwise decent pair of £35 glasses to waste so......

The way I figure it, I can use them for comedy value. It really is quite cool to try and walk while wearing them because the ground is all curvy and crazily angular. You step, expecting the ground to be there but no - nothing.

And I can't even begin to tell how what an exciting element these sunglasses brought to my run along the beach this morning. I felt like I was on crazy drugs and it certainly made for a nice distraction from the pain and general exhaustive discomfort of running a body across huge stretches of sand when said body would rather be curled up in sandy bed dreaming of lemon-poppyseed cake.