Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Dr. Kahn and the 'Pee-Pee Problem'

About a week ago Egg developed a bit of a 'pee-pee problem' (those are of course HIS words, not mine). This has manifested into random, five-an-hour toilet visits, bothersome at home but lethal when out in public. Egg still holds real terror and fear over...wait for it...HAND DRYERS! They don't even have to be on; merely the thought of a hand dryer attached to a public restroom wall is enough to inspire real terror and dread in his little mind.
Therefore you can imagine Auntie Ba's dilemma when last week in Starbucks (having treated him to a smoothie there after nursery school) Egg suddenly jumped up, said he had to pee and tried to drag Auntie Ba outside to look for a bush on which he could drain his tiny bladder. Auntie Ba (the person least likely in the world to ever publicly, let alone condone such behavior) was horrified, and tried to get Egg to accompany her to the toilets. Egg began screaming and they attracted the attention of a severely anorexic young lady who got involved in trying to cajole my stubborn 3 1/2 year old into stepping inside the bathroom (even going so far as giving him a chocolate bar..which apparently SHE needed a million times more).

Eventually they had to race down the street toward home, Egg making clutching motions towards his groin and threatening to use the street if they didn't get there quickly enough. All this to say, that when he finally did get to the toilet at home, a mere drop came out and it was clear that something was amiss in his waterways and he should get to a doctor pronto.

After 24 hours of Jay and I freaking out that our son might be diabetic (he was after all exhibiting several of the symptoms) I took him into a local doctors office for an emergency appointment. I had two offices to choose from, and given that I had once observed a crazy black lady screaming for her prescription through the outdoor intercom of one, I went for the other as default.

After waiting for AGES in the aptly called 'waiting room', Egg and I were finally ushered into a shambolic but welcoming back office where an elderly Pakistani doctor asked Egg about his symptoms before making him pee in a cup and administering some homeopathic pills.

Five days later the pills had not worked so I took Egg back to Dr. Kahn, where Egg thoughtfully volunteered the information that his 'pee-pee problem' was down to the gingerbread that 'Dada' had recently bought him. Dr. Kahn was much amused and responded to Egg in a fashion that prompted Egg to moments later reflect aloud, 'Mama, doctors can sometimes be pretty funny, can't they?"

Dr. Kahn was much amused by the 'prognosis' and expressed amazement over our precocious little "Egg", clearly taken with him. Next thing I know the session ends up with the two of them in a big bear hug and clutching a prescription we saunter through the office, with Egg loudly proclaiming that Dr. Kahn has the 'best ever in the whole world' bathroom simply because the rather modest facilities are without a hand dryer. (I do wonder whether onlookers may have questioned what sort of a bathroom Egg uses at home in comparison...but oh well).

Anyway, Egg now has to take four doses a day of antibiotic orange syrup, and Dumpie is terribly jealous of this as he suspects Egg is getting sweeties which he is not. Therefore Dumpie has now reverted back to emptying the contents of the fridge on a whim, and at any given time it's not unusual to see my fresh goods scattered in a rage throughout the kitchen, or the fridge door propped open and a little chubby chicken perched on his tippy-toes on the salad crisper, reaching in vain for something higher up.

Given his voracious appetite, I do wonder how we are going to survive the boys' teenage years without one or both of us getting a second job. Already loaves of bread disappear in a day or two and I spend most of my days doling out foodstuffs to eager grubby, grasping hands. It's not unlike feeding animals at a zoo. Only the zoo is my beloved kitchen. And I am also the zookeeper. And of course I don't appear able to tame these naughty monkeys....

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