Last night I was privy to a rather unusual sight. We took the monsters to yet another sprawling mega-mall here in KL in attempt to kill two birds with one stone: let them run wild and expend some energy before bed...and feed them dinner.
While waiting for the lift I spotted a young woman clad in full Burka attire, the tiny strip of an opening across her eyes the only visible clue of the woman hidden beneath a voluminous shroud of black. What caught my attention was the hardcore eye makeup, reminiscent of a drag queen or perhaps a run-in with an over zealous assistant at a Mac counter? But then she stepped saucily out of the lift in what looked to be six inch stillettos, and following her husband, she cheekily grabbed his arse and gave it a squeeze. Wot?!
However I was only momentarily distracted as seconds later I heeded a frantic call of help from the husband who was across the way, busy chasing Dumps past Gucci, Coach, Jimmy Choo, and Prada. He motioned frantically for me to go the other way and try and cut the little road runner off from the other side. I was only partially successful, for although I managed to grab hold of Dumpies shirt, he wiggled out of my grasp and went spiralling back in the direction from which he came, giggling and screaming with delight.
Luckily the mall wasn't very busy at this time of night and the boys didn't manage to knock over any old ladies or anything like that. However they did put on a rather riveting performance for the people eating in the surrounding restaurants...though I'm still not sure whether the stares were amusement or horror based.
There wasn't too much time to ponder this however, as we were on the sixth floor (of a really POSH mall I might add) and Dumpie somehow managed to duck into a restaurant and avail himself of some ornamental stones which he then proceeded to whip at the husband's head as he was closing in on him from the side. Had they gone over the edge it could have been lethal for an unsuspecting shopper several stories below.
I was torn between wanting to laugh hysterically on one hand, and keeping my husband from divorcing me on the other...(for laughing hysterically with - no sorry at him). He was NOT amused. He told me moments later (after we had managed to round them up and were holding onto the wriggling, near hysterical rugrats for dear life) that he was 'so over this stage' and 'needed time away from his family'. Hmmm... I can't help but feel that the sheer amount of condensed 'family time' this 'Family Gap Year' has afforded us, has been both a positive and negative thing for him.
He has expressed several times (usually during meal times in crowded restaurants when Dumpie is under the table squirting ketchup onto an unsuspecting Eggie's ankles, or Egg is wandering back into the kitchens, barefoot, asking when his food will be ready) that he is almost 'ready' to going back to work. I think he finds the sheer intensity of 24/7 child rearing fairly hardcore. As do I. But hey, a burden shared and all that.... :)
I suspect it has become abundantly clear why in the past, upon returning home from a hard day at the office, he may have, on occasion, found me perched at the top of the stairs, clutching a half-empty bottle of wine and looking completely shell-shocked after a shambolic day of child-rearing...
My theory for the sudden resurgence of super-naughty spazzing in public areas, is that for the past several months since we've been in Goa and Bali, the monsters have been so starved of consumerism in the form of bright, shiny tantalising showcases in malls, that they simply can't resist running spastically about, clutching and grabbing everything in sight before chasing each other down concourses to discover even more 'delightful things'. (Hey, I wasn't so far off from this behaviour when I had my first mall outing in month back in Bali one glorious afternoon. Just ask the Topshop attendant.)
I was quietly negotiating the cost of a new holdall in a rather upmarket luggage store today, when the worried looking Malaysian shop girl informed me that one of my children had 'taken' a bag from the window display and run out of the store.
"Oh never mind" I said calmly, "my husband will catch him and bring it back. Now, about that discount?"...
Later, Eggie came running out of a department store clutching a lovely new t-shirt and proudly showed it to us as we head towards Gap Kids. "Look Mama, isn't this shirt great!" I had to run back in quickly, dodge the security guard, and toss it onto the nearest table before quickly dragging him out and giving him a crash course in property theft.
Dumpie has no such qualms. I watched him make off with not one but two 'Ben 10' children's watches today, and nearly died of embarrassment when he broke the clasp of one and simply tossed it on the ground saying "Don't want this one. It's broken".
Ahhhh....malls. I DO miss malls. What can i say? I miss shopping, browsing, bright colours, new clothes, pretty, lovely, shiny new things all laid out in an orgy of consumerist gluttony. What a treat it has been indulging my more superficial tendencies and traipsing around Kuala Lumpur's numerous AIR-CONDITIONED cathedrals to materialism, taking it all in and sighing with pleasure at all the new fashions...ahhh...
Even being trailed by a pissy husband and two surprisingly spry little monsters hasn't been enough to dampen my enthusiasm. I'll miss KL. It's a rocking city. (And that has NOTHING to do with the fact that I managed to have a sneaky Zara run the other day, have indulged myself in gourmet lattes day in and day out, and have been imbibing wine the past 10 days like a camel about to go into the desert.)
Goa...I'm almost ready for you...but not quite yet. Have one more day of decadent gluttony to get through then I swear I'll hang up the designer threads, wean myself off the espresso, put down the pinot grigio and settle in for months of simple beach living. I swear.