"How Many Flushes Does It Take To..."

This morning I spent my time doing the following:

1. Trying to break up Dumpie's gigantic toilet bowl turd into small enough pieces, so as to give it a decent chance of disappearing despite the notorious confines of India's severely limited sewage and drainage capabilities.

(Unfortunately this gargantuan turd was deposited in the sole toilet of the hotel pool we were hanging out at. Due to my numerous visits to said toilet over the course of a half hour, in all likelihood, the fellow inhabitants of the pool most likely assumed me to be the author of such fecal magnificance.)

2. Convincing Dumpie NOT to poke the cute black and white kitty-cat at the hotel with the three ketchup-stained toothpicks he had salvaged from his chicken nugget and chips meal at lunch, for precisely that purpose.

3. Nicking the long-handled pool net in an attempt to knock down some ripe mangoes off the trees for the boys here at the hotel...but getting caught when a large green unripe one went crashing down into the dining area and near missed an elderly mans head by mere millimetres - his only crime trying to eat breakfast in peace while a mango thief lurked above...unbeknownst to him.

4. Sorting my laundry into four piles:

'Dirty' (but one more wear possible)

'Filthy' (shouldn't really wear again but...)

'Hopelessly Stinky' (only the husband dares squeeze another wear out of this category)

'Beyond Hope' (stained, ripped, foul smelling but chucked into the laundry bag regardless in a vain attempt to exercise the power of 'Positive (however deluded) Thinking'.

All in all, successful use of this University graduate's degree in English and Psychology - not to mention several years in the television industry.

My parents must be weeping with pride.