This morning, eight and a half minutes before Egg had to leave for school I found myself, shears in hand, trying to do a 'reverse haircut'. What's a 'reverse haircut' you ask? Well, it's a rather complicated procedure one must undertake when one's husband has randomly chopped a three inch chunk of their child's hair off one side of their head, but has completely neglected to do it to the other side (which in itself is a conundrum - better to look perfectly ridiculous from one angle but angelic from the opposite side?...Or better to just have an all-round horrid haircut and look like your parents were too cheap to pay for a hairdresser and instead let a drunk 'Uncle' have a go for a laugh after too many sherry's...)
At any rate that is the predicament I found myself in this morning. You know that saying, "It is never right to do wrong to do right?" Well I had to completely ignore that adage as I painstakingly tried to chop off the hair from the perfectly decent right side of Egg's head in order to match the crooked left side. Do you know how hard that is to do? Especially given that I am a rather decent hairdresser.
To do this job successfully I had to feign utter incompetence and administer spasmodic suicide swipes with the scissors. It pained me but I did it. I have yet to figure out how this hair disaster occurred in the first place, and fully intend to sit le husband down when he gets back from his business trip and demand an explanation.
All I know is that when I picked Eggie up from school yesterday, he came running towards me looking like two different people sharing the same head. I was beyond mortified just imagining what the hell his teachers must think. They will assume his mother is on crack. (Or perhaps they'll think he volunteered to be a hair model for a troupe of blind hairdressers in aid of Comic Relief...??)
My poor darling boy now looks...well,,,still gorgeous,,,but like he has an 'Uncle' who imbibes a little too much sherry on occasion and....