"No! No! Noooooaaaaaah!"

Having skimmed over yesterdays blog-a-thon, which was little more than a play by play account cathartically venting about my youngest screaming down the Big Chill Festival on the weekend, I realize that perhaps I did ever so slightly go off on one. Yes, it really was that bad, but just like other peoples bad dreams, unless you're part of it, it really ain't that interesting. So apologies for bending your cyber ears and I can assure you that i'm 'over it' and not terribly scarred by the event whatsoever. Will I be in a hurry to repeat the experience? NO. Am I glad i went? ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY :)

A more pressing concern is little Dump Dumps gleeful enjoyment of...biting. You see, as satisfying as it is to pull out whole clumps of Egg's silky golden hair, a bite lasts much longer and illicits an almighty fuss which I think might be the whole point. Yesterday Egg screamed like he was being butchered (which in a sense he was if you've seen the size and shape of Dumpies new teeth) and I ran to find him clutching his left shoulder in agony while Dumps sat happily on the sofa beside him, pointing to the wound and giggling. A 'tap-tap' on the hand did little but provoke an even bigger smile and led to Dumps 'tap-tapping' Egg on his arm and looking to me for encouragement - as if pleased that he was clever enough to have picked up on our new 'game' (sigh). Eventually, some more hair was pulled and I had to banish him to his cot upstairs as Egg was sobbing for some 'alone time' and the little angel deserves not to be bullied in his own home...at least for a short while.

Don't get me wrong...Dumpie is the most scrumptious little nugget of fun and joy and is constantly making me and everyone else laugh. He has the biggest personality and is a rather clever chap, resulting in pure comedy most of the time. My personal favourite is when he steals snacks right from under other peoples noses, stuffs his face, and has to hold his hand in front of his bulging mouth so as not to lose even a morsal from his overcrowded cheeks.

Dumpie has yet to tire of peanut butter sandwiches, adores crisps, and can root out a hidden chocolate from 10 feet away. He has found, and tried Jay's uber-strong 'Stimorol' gum which is even too much for me, and can often be found toddling around, jaws working on a piece, totally oblivious to his burning mouth, flaunting his gum-chewing until i catch him and prise it out of his mouth. He clearly has a stash somewhere because it's an ongoing thing.

To his credit Egg is lovely and rarely retaliates when bullied by Dumpie. He even puts aside his annoyance when he's in the middle of a favourite cartoon and Dumpie launches himself at Egg in a full-body slam for an impromptu mid-morning kiss and cuddle. Many a time I'll walk in the room to see them in a tight embrace, Egg stroking Dumpie's hair gently and Dumpie blissed out and kissing his lips. Moments later however I'll hear a scream and this same Dumps is holding out some blond hair in his fist and a confused and heartbroken Egg is sobbing again and asking me 'why did Jesus give us such a naughty Dumps?!'

I don't really have any answers. My personal belief is that God wants to teach Jay and I a lesson about what we put our own parents through, and thus has combined the best and naughtiest elements of each of our personalities and packaged it all up into the shape of a chunky little chicken.

Luckily He has blessed Dumpie with a mega-watt smile which somehow has the power to undo any damage he's just done and fill you with the desire to gobble him up and squeeze him until he roars with his 'dirty Harry' laugh. I imagine it shall come in quite handy as an antidote to all the future damage he has yet to unleash. I also expect Dumpie shall be the one to force me to forge strong alliances with the P.T.A. in future and bake cakes like a madwoman in an attempt to undo numerous tricky situations.

Ah well, the good thing is that if Jay and I happen to lose all our assets in the current credit crunch and somehow find ourselves penniless and living in the 'hood', I'm sure Dumpie will be just fine in an inner city school and prove more than able to hold his own. Egg of course will be home-schooled.