Thursday, 15 November 2012

"Oooh...I'm Wicked And I'm Laaaaaazy" - David Byrne (...and 'The Husband')

*Notice how the L.W.M. (lazy wife and mother) blends into her natural habitat :)
I just looked down at my wrist to see what time it is and discovered that today, for some inexplicable reason I'm wearing two watches.

('s better than wearing two bra's at the same time - though come to think of it, there is much to be said for a firm bust line for a woman of my advancing age.)

Perhaps I'm subconsciously trying to eek out more time during the day so as to make even a tiny dent in the never ending list of daily errands I have breathing down my neck.

Or maybe I'm just so bone tired and at the end of my rope so as to not even be aware of such things anymore.

Perhaps by wearing two watches my subconscious is trying to (albeit stupidly and pointlessly...mostly the former) trying to give me twice as long today, to get everything done that I need ready by tomorrow - Dumpie's 6th birthday.

For tomorrow around 3:30pm, a gaggle of five and six year old little boys are going to descend upon our house for a birthday party.  Between now and then I have to not only bake thirty cupcakes to bring into Dumpie's class tomorrow morning, but wrap all the presents, clean the house, prepare party games and goody bags, blow up a ton of balloons, decorate the house, do the laundry, prepare a big meal in advance for the half dozen or so guests descending tomorrow night for 'Dumpie's/Dada's Traditional Shared Birthday Dinner Party', AND summon enough energy to conjure up the now traditional 'birthday breakfast table'.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Which might explain why I jumped down the husbands throat this morning when he had the audacity to look up calmly from his breakfast porridge and declare that he'd come to the conclusion that he and I are both (wait for it)...LAZY.

I suppose he may have a point in one respect.  If I hadn't been feeling so 'lazy' this morning I believe there is a very good chance that one of us - or more likely the both of us - would have ended up in A&E.

As it was, I was too tired and disheartened to do more than admonish him for this totally untrue and demoralising statement.  Worst of all, I think he truly believes it.

There is nothing for it but for a fairy to come down right now and do a 'Freaky Friday' on us.

I would love nothing more than to suddenly blink my eyes and find myself sitting in some boring meeting right now, dealing with difficult employees and despairing of the work day ahead of me.

And the husband could:

a) change the dirty nappy the baby has festering at the moment
b) clean for the next four hours alongside the cleaner who has just arrived
c) do the laundry
d) race on foot to the mall half an hour away with cranky/bored/hungry/screaming baby to do last minute grocery/party shopping
e) come home and bake thirty cupcakes, a birthday cake, homemade birthday biscuits, a giant lasagna for tomorrow, and sort out dinner for tonight
f) wrap a dozen presents
g) blow up thirty odd balloons
h) make up the goody bags
i) fetch the children from school
j) clean up the boys bedroom and put away the mountain of clean clothes rising like Vesuvius in the middle of their carpet
k) etc...etc...etc.

For you see, at some point today the husband will get to leave the office and wander off somewhere in Soho to clear his head and get some lunch. And after work, he's meeting a friend for a drink.  Or two.

Not me.  Even as I type this, it's over the prostrate body of a nursing baby on my lap.  And make no mistake: alongside all the tasks listed above, I will be nursing, bathing, feeding, playing with and generally keeping out of harms way the aforementioned baby.  While I carry out all these tasks a chubby nine month old infant will either be on my lap, trying to climb my leg, or hanging off one or both nipples.

With enough coffee and a whole lot of determination I could probably get through the next 48 hours with my sanity intact.  But with the added handicap of a 9 month old joined-at-the-hip baby (who, I might add, has just entered that period of 'making strange' - meaning I can't even venture out of his sight or he'll go mental) I feel like a contestant on one of those crazy Japanese game shows...for which there's not even a decent prize if you win!

Or maybe I'm just lazy :)

1 comment:

  1. oh Tash... would glide in hanging from a magical umbrella and help you out if I were closer. Good luck out there. Happy birthday Dumpie!


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