Thursday, 4 December 2008

Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before...

The other day amidst all the plastic bits and bobs which make up about 90% of the surface of the boys room, I came across a lovely bright yellow envelope which I realized was Grandma's 2nd birthday card to Dumps (she has the lovely habit of sending several on a birthday so it is understandable that one might have gotten missed amidst all the rucus!) At any rate Dumps and I opened it and found a hilarious musical card with a big white chicken on the front - how fitting. Moreover, inside were two large individually wrapped pieces of gourmet chocolate.
Dumps thought he won the lottery and has been carrying around the chocolate, sleeping with the chocolate and generally lording the chocolate over Eggie. He feels special 'owning' his very own sweeties and there is no way anyone is going to take them from him - believe me I tried. Funnier still is his insistence in carrying the card around everywhere, and opening and closing it as we barrel down the street late for school with a LOUD (how can a card be that loud?) song playing and immediately turning us into a spectacle. I suppose I should be used to it by now. If it's not the avant garde outfits or make up which I often wear on the very conservative 'school runs' then it's my very vocal children with their already engrained idiocyncrasies. (For those of you with an interest, today I am sporting a black and white polka dot ra-ra skirt, high black boots and bright turquoise eyeliner...hmmm)

As you may be aware, my very existence seems to be punctuated by problems - ranging from the merely annoying (our new mortgage lender won't put the deal through until we fax our marriage certificate which seems to have gone missing) to the more worrying (last night Jay's passport fell out of his pocket at the foot of the stairs and was not there when we came down this morning. There is every likelihood that Dumps has taken it and hidden it, gleefully imagining that he has procured his very own coloring book. Jay is not much amused...especially as he is planning a trip to Chile next week...oops).

Last night Egg had his first play date at our house. It was a little boy in his class who is obsessed with Hot Wheels which transform into things (??). Egg must have told his friend that he had loads of these at home, and the first half hour of the visit was spent 'looking' for toys which clearly don't exist! Poor Egg. It was my duty to cover up for him, especially when I discovered him trying to pass off a stationary little plastic car as one of these super-duper transformers.

So I did what I do best, applied distraction techniques, and plied them with chocolates and let them trash the front room with cushions and pillows in order to build a fort. The little boys mother was horrified to see the carnage (as was I when I eventually walked in), but I brushed it off like it was no big deal, frantically flinging cushions back in place whilst maintaining friendly chatter and trying to wipe the tell-tale bits of chocolate from her sons face.

Dumpie sits beside me here at the kitchen table, spooning his second yoghurt into his little mouth while solemnly watching some weird show on telly. He's in charge of the remote control and has become quite discriminating as of late, making me turn the channel whenever this annoying male presenter comes on (which, being the childrens BBC, is 90% of the time). That's my boy. His 'cheese-o-meter' is well and truly functioning, and he's already showing signs of being 'too cool for school' before even entering. With any luck he'll not inherit his Dada's dancing skills and it should be smooth sailing through the quagmire of youth...if only he loses those earth-shattering screams....

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