Last night just before dinner, I was in the kitchen with Dumpie and Egg walked in. I didn't quite register anything at first glance - just that his little face looked cherubic and bright and...and big! My little Egg stood smiling before me, his little fringe ('bangs' to all you North Americans reading this) hacked off in an uneven line about an inch long. I didn't quite know what to say...or do. So I did what I do when such calamities present themselves - I got immediately onto ichat with Auntie Ba to get her verdict on how bad it was.
I could tell it was pretty bad by her sympathetic noises and tender pained smile upon seeing the devastation my eldest had inflicted upon his beautiful little self. "What are you going to do?" she asked me, and for once I had no answer. I frantically rang Jay at work but he was in a totally different head space and I don't think he quite understood the situation, so I rang off with the ominous words of, "Well just wait until you see it!"
The worst part about it is that when he goes back to school on Monday all the mothers and teachers are going to (naturally) assume that Egg's Mummy spent the half-term soused on a big bottle of vodka and drunkenly took the shears to her child's head during one particularly harrowing session. That's what it looks like. Social services might even get called in. At the moment I'm contemplating putting some hair dye in and a few more random chops and presenting it as an uber-trendy 'Hoxton' creation. (At the moment he could be the poster child for the 'Dumb and Dumber' Jim Carrey movie)
Last night being Halloween, and this being Britain, (which adopts many North American traditions yet scorns others) there was no 'trick or treating' as such - even in our child overrun neighbourhood. Instead it was all the parents who were out, crowding the local bars and pubs whilst celebrating the Pagan holiday. So as we've done in previous years, we did our own family version of this high holiday of sweeties...
In previous years we've had three 'Auntie's' joining in and really giving the atmosphere a sense of fun, but this year it was merely Jay and I. First we dressed them up (Jay took the reins on this one this year and Egg was dressed up as a tennis player and Dumpie a one-slippered Christmas elf - well it was Friday night after a long week of work and Jay did an admirable job given his energy level and the general lack of props). Then Jay hid out in the front room downstairs and I in the guest bedroom upstairs - each of us with a big bowl of sweets. The boys went up and down the stairs knocking on our respective doors and were rewarded with more and more candies and chocolates.
The utter glee and joy on their faces - especially Dumpies - made the exercise more of a treat for Jay and I than even them. Dumpie calls candies 'Nay-Nay' and kept shouting it all night like a mantra. When they'd leave each door the utter delight on Dumpies face was magic to behold and he'd maniacally wave and shout 'Bye bye!' as he kept peering into his jack-o-lantern candy bag, not quite believing that this huge bag of contraband "Nay-Nay" was really his to keep. Poor Dumpie was so upset when the game was up that he tried to make me go back into the room, gesturing wildly and emphatically, trying to push me back up the stairs. However the arrival of a yummy pizza put and end to that and the four of us enjoyed a gooey cheesy feast in the kitchen with the sleepy but excited boys crashing soon afterwards - leaving Jay and I to watch the thriller/horror 'Cloverfield' on dvd.
At any rate, we've just finished a huge breakfast of homemade pancakes, maple syrup and freshly whipped cream (calorie hell) and I vaguely noted that the boys disappeared into the front room about 20 minutes or so ago, and although Jay sits here beside me on his laptop, oblivious as usual, I realize with a sinking feeling that they have probably ingested most of their treats already and it's only 10:30am.
This means we are going to have two sugar-fuelled gremlins on the loose and are going to pay ever so dearly for it today. So on that note I'm off to hide all my power cords and all scissors.