"Bite Bite Goes The Chubby Bat"

This morning I awoke to a most curious sensation. It felt as if I were being eaten alive. I jumped, startled, out of my dream to find myself eyeball to eyeball with a baby cannibal. With a deep bellied giggle the Chubby Bat reached over, mouth open, and placed his four brand-new baby teeth on the tender skin of my upper arm and bit...hard!

I was so exhuasted that i clumsily tried to push him aside and immediately burrowed under the duvet, but moments later I felt a bite on my tummy. Ouch! There were more giggles, a few more attempted bites, and it slowly dawned on me that this was a new game for little Ollie Dumpie and I had better get used to it...or move it...fast.

I had just gotten used to being slapped rudely awake by a chubby palm across the face and a too-strong yank of hair pulling, but this is a torture of a different ilk. It's not enough that breastfeeding makes you feel like you're slowly being consumed by an insatiable parasite, but now there are painful random bites to be on the alert for.

Still, Dumpie is ever so proud of his brand-spanking-new cerrated teeth. Two on the bottom and now two on top, with an ever so slight gap between them which makes him look like 'Spanky' from the classic television show 'Little Rascals'.

Actually, come to think of it, 'Spanky' is not such a bad name for my second born urchin. He has a grip like you wouldn't believe and can already catch a ball and throw it with more panache and accuracy than i can (or his elder brother it must be said). He now gets on and off furniture with amazing ease and agility considering his rather portly appearance. His fat chubby toes are well practised in gauging depth and he always lets himself down even the highest bed with stunning grace.

The other day i was cleaning a bookshelf, and Noah was happily sat beside me to the right, silently emptying the lower shelves as fast as I was trying to organise the top ones. I could hire him out as a human paper shredder if i so desired, given that he can turn a favourite glossy magazine into strips of rubbish within a mere few minutes. It's incredible.

At his last doctors appointment they confirmed his weight as a healthy twenty pounds. He wears it well though, and given his predilection for doing 'bouncy-bounce' (holding onto a chair or table and doing deep knee bends like a monkey on speed to any sort of music - even a mere advertising jingle) I suspect he is up to par on physical fitness levels and would put the rest of us to shame - despite his round tummy.

I was most interested to note the other day, that the older sibling bullying has taken on a more equal status. Egg is sporting two tiny, angry red scratches on his face. When I asked him how he got them he said, "probably Dumpie did them Mama", and I realised that a) I had better de-claw my youngest asap and b) the tides they are a turnin'...

Beware the Dumps.