TRASHING DAD'S

So we've been here in Toronto for several days now. Currently we're staying down at my dad's place on the harbourfront. I realise I've been neglecting my blogging duty but frankly I've been too busy enjoying the warm hot summer weather (for a London dweller this is a rarity - at least the consistant aspect of it) and trying to keep two fiesty fella's from electrocuting themselves, dying of head injuries and injesting poisonous substances.

Have had a few close calls lately. (What else is new?) Dumpie was found chewing on plasticine the other day and was irate when I spent about a minute tring to fish out random bits of dayglo yellow toxic matter from his gummy mouth. Egg has discovered Dad's vast knife collection (numbering in the hundreds as he is a brilliant cook and has two whole drawers devoted to them.) It is just a matter of time before he attempts to practise his carving skills on his chubby chicken of a little brother.

In the meantime, Dumpie is growing ever bigger and stronger. This could be due in part to Dad's sneaky daily administrations of his high power super-strength protein drinks. In stark contrast Egg has discovered tiny chocolate donuts (timbits) and now insists on his own little bag of two a day. He declares them to be exceptionally 'yummy' and nibbles on them like a little gourmet - though never thinks to offer anyone else a bite of these precious delicacies.

I've noticed a rather interesting observation. In both Florida and Toronto Egg is as often as not declared 'a pretty little girl', whereas in the UK the mistake has never been made. Nevermind that he goes around here in loud Hawaiian print tops, dirty basecall cap, camoflauge shorts and little boy trainers...nope - his shoulder length hair and delicate features seem to confuse local 'folk' and lead to all sorts of embarrassing misunderstandings. Yesterday for instance Egg was privy to two little sisters' picnic (managing to score cheesies, 7-up and part of a twix bar for his troubles....little scavenger) simply due to the misunderstanding of a Korean family who mistook him for a little girl. I didn't bother to correct them because a) hey, free childcare while i lie in the sun...what's not to love?? b) i didn't want to embarrass them c) refer to a

Everyday Dad and I have a routine which involves getting two coffees and taking Egg to the local park which has a play 'choo-choo' train with several seats and conductors cabin. Well you can probably imagine what ensues. Little Egg (having a bit of an addiction to all things train-related at the moment) feels it HIS right to be the conductor and not a passenger. So he makes it his job to clear out anyone who might not be aware of these unspoken rules. In all fairness he does the job professionally, and gestures emphatically to those children who might be too young to understand that they must leave the conductors cabin forthwith. Also to his credit he does a mighty fine job of collecting 'tickets' and checking the passports of the bewildered assembled tots, and is even helpful in assigning seats to the more spacially-challenged playmates.

A slightly more alarming recent trend of Egg's has to do with his tourettes-like utterances about random strangers. He has no qualms about proclaiming various facts to do with physical appearances, and can't see anything wrong with calling salesladies 'fat and ugly' if he so sees fit. He doesn't say these things in a childish vibratto, but rather calmly announces to me and Dumpie that 'I don't want to talk to that lady, she is fat and ugly and I do not like her'. (Ummm...thanks for that Egg I think as I shamefacedly slide my Visa card across the counter to pay for a purchase, before whipping the two of them out of there with the scorned lady yelling, "You forgot your reciept!"). Whatever. Last weekend we were visiting Jay's parents in Mississauga, and Egg inadvertantly walked into his other grandparents bedroom while 'Granny' was getting changed. We hear,

"I don't want to see a naked Granny!" then giggles (...of horror from Granny and amusement from Egg).

Since then, whenever he sees Granny Egg insists on referring to her as 'Naked Granny'. Will it stick? Anyones guess. Sorry Granny...it's in the genes...don't blame me!

Anyway, today we are planning to head to 'The Beaches'...a lovely stretch of sand and grass and a kids water play area and lovely trees beneath which to watch all the chaos ensue. Can't wait.